I'm not stalker really I'm not
by Platinum Angel1
Summary: Seifer has a conversation while hiding behind some bushes . . . just read


So, how did I get here again? You know, it's funny how you almost forget how things happen when you're put in a compromising situation. But here I am, sitting outside on the street in a puddle of muddy water. Why you ask? I couldn't tell you exactly why I'm out here; I mean it really doesn't make any sense to me, how could I possibly explain it to you?  
  
Ok, ok . . . lets just say I'm watching someone, stalking, watching whatever you wanna call it. It's not like I'm an actual stalker . . . I'm just here for protection reasons only. Yeah, that's it; it's all about protecting someone. Note the sarcasm. That's why I'm hiding behind a huge shrub right now. There's a picture for you, Seifer Almasy wallowing in the trenches of Deling City. Don't get used to it, it's not likely to happen again. Unless Fujin decides to go on another one of her little . . . dates.  
  
It's really pathetic what she's doing, picking up guys at BARS, it's just not right. Sure I pick up girls at bars all the time, but that's different . . . some way or another. Those scummy bastards that go to bars to get chicks are only after one thing; trust me I know, I am one of those scummy guys. It really irritates me though, Hyne it irritates me that she is so naïve!  
  
What? Jealous? Ha, there's a laugh. Why the hell would I be jealous of some drunken baboon? Sure, he's a handsome guy, but he can't compete with me, this is me you're talking about. THE Seifer Almasy. I'm the sexiest man alive, according to Occult Fan. After Ultimeca, I sorta got a lot of publicity. Despite my arrogant demeanor, people love me. Any way that's not the point. The point is that Fujin is up in some STRANGER'S apartment, when she should be in OUR apartment with ME.  
  
I don't like Fujin! Are you on crack? Anyone can see that I'm just trying to make sure my best friend is all right . . . and that Mr. Big Forehead doesn't lay his intoxicated hands on her. Have you noticed how big his forehead is, and his teeth? He looks like a cave man or something.  
  
What? No, no, no, I told you before I don't love Fujin.  
  
I did not! I did not say the word love, what are you talking about? Seifer Almasy doesn't love anyone, and he never will. You're really starting to get on my nerves, you know that? You're getting me all confused.  
  
So maybe I do like her, just a little. It's not like I'm going to buy a damn engagement ring and book the Balamb Hotel for our honeymoon or anything, don't get too excited. I just find her attractive, that's all, and looks aren't everything. Then again, we do basically like the same things; fishing, alternative music, sick and sarcastic humor, classic films. Not to mention she's the only chick I can stand to be around 24-7. See, we just wouldn't make a good couple.  
  
Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking. I should go up there and beat up Cro-Mag (in case you're wondering, it's the name of an ancient cave man guy. See, I'm not only sexy, but highly intelligent). Look at him, sitting on his couch, drinking out of his little glass, talking with MY Fujin. I'm not the least bit possessive, am I? He looks arrogant and conceited. Why would Fujin want a guy like that?  
  
WHAT! I am not arrogant or conceited, I'm just truthful. Don't you have somewhere to go, like a leather shop or something? Why the hell are you sitting here bothering me? Can't you see I'm busy? Well, you obviously don't care, considering that you haven't left yet. Oh well, I'll just ignore you.  
  
Hyne above look at her, Isn't she beautiful? Her platinum hair all disheveled and cute, that killer blue dress she's wearing, her crimson eye, Hyne she's even more beautiful than all of the stars in the heavens. Oh what the hell, she's more beautiful than me. Look at her sitting and smiling . . . at him. SHE NEVER SMILES AT ANYONE BESIDES ME! Must be some kind of face spasm or something, yeah that's it, a facial seizure. She gets em' all the time . . . riiiiiiggghhhtttt.  
  
Oh no, no, no. His hand did not just touch her leg. I'll cut it off with my gunblade if I see that shit again . . . maybe I'll cut off a few other appendages while I'm at it. He looks like such an ass. Look what he's wearing, a sweater and black fancy-pants, rich preppy boy and his damn can- opener teeth. Can't she see he's a fake? Ha! He's razing his uni-brow at her every three minutes, pretending to be interested in what she's saying. He's just trying to get her into bed.  
  
What are you serious? Fujin would never sleep with some random guy, why would she do that when she has me?  
  
Hey, hey now! That last comment from you was a stretch, but that was just too far. Fujin is not a horny person. You disgust me! Why the hell are you still here again? Look buddy get lost this isn't some sideshow I'm putting on to amuse you, there are real feelings involved here . . . wow, never knew I'd say that about any situation.  
  
Hyne I am jealous. And I'm a stalker. Ever have that really worthless feeling when you realize that you've hit an all time low, well I just had that feeling. Congratulate me.  
  
I can't help it though, just look at her. She's a goddess. She's the perfect woman for me. The only one who knows how to put me in my place. Maybe that's it; the fact that she won't have me makes me love her.  
  
Yeah, yeah you heard me, I confess. Dammit I love her. I have for a little while. Four or five years are nothing big. Just 1800 days of my life spent pining away over a girl that will never have me, no big deal right?  
  
Well, no I haven't exactly tried to ask her out or anything. It seems pretty clear to me that she doesn't want me (man is that hard to accept). She's going out with guys all the time now, it's like going to an all you can eat buffet for her. Why couldn't she just settle for a main entrée? Why am I using food as a metaphor? Why did you ask that question anyway? You think I have a chance?  
  
Actually, now that I think about it, she does follow me around a lot. Good point. I think she might like me a little. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to try and hide the big-ass grin that's creeping onto my face.  
  
Scratch that, he just leaned in to kiss her! Damn you! If you weren't distracting me I could have used the 1.5 spare seconds to run up there and kill him! Look away Fujin, look away!  
  
Well that's definitely the opposite of what I told her to do. What are you talking about, she's not kissing him, she thought he was choking, she was just trying to perform CPR, I hear a tongue can really save lives in those situations. Hyne above, I can't watch this. I've gotta get outta here.  
  
Well why are you being so helpful? Good idea, tell her when she comes home that I can't live without her and can't stand to see her acting like a whore . . . think I should leave the whore part out? Yeah you're right, too harsh. Maybe I'll think about it for a while, when I haven't just witnessed her making out with Cro-Mag. Thanks for listening!  
  
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Seifer stood and ran back toward his apartment on the east side of Deling, disappearing in the distance. Squall Leonhart stood in the alley dumbfounded.  
  
'What the hell just happened? I didn't even say a word to him, I was just walking down the street and he started talking to me like some insane freak. Imagine that, someone actually trying to have a conversation with a person who has no more than the capability of a rock to do so. Ha, Cro-Mag, now that was funny.'  
  
Squall laughed hysterically, and walked briskly to Skip's Leather Shop.  
  
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A/N: Forgive me for this one, I just couldn't help it, I sat down at my computer, hoping to write my 7th chapter for "Ancient Romance", and suddenly this appeared on the screen. Kind of unusual, don't you think? : / 


End file.
